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If programming languages had honest titles, what would they be?
- C: The Boring (and Probably Correct) Choice
- C++: You Thought It Was Complicated BEFORE
- Objective-C: Now With Even More Confusing Syntax!
- C#: You’ll Swear It’s Not Java
- Swift: You’ll Swear It’s Not JavaScript
- Java: The Practical Choice of Middleware Developers the World Over… And It’s ALL Middleware.
- Java: (Re)Write Once (Every Major Version), Pray Your Containers Still Work.
- Ruby: Because Programs Should Be Fun, Not Efficient! (
_whybe efficient when you CAN BE inefficient?) - Ruby: The best of Perl shoe-horned into Smalltalk! What could go wrong?
- Groovy: Easier than getting Ruby to work in the JVM? When you want Rails but can’t quit Java…
- SmallTalk: Passing messages with the class since 1972… Basically “That 70s Show” for programming.
- Python: Including ALL THE BATTERIES (You’ll Never Need) Since 1991
- Python: Because you shouldn’t have to pick between functional, procedural, and object-oriented styles… in the same file.
- PHP: Wait, you put HTML, CSS, and SQL in here? And we installed this everywhere?
